Summary of April

Lagi ngga terlalu bersemangat menulis, tapi perlu dicatat untuk pembelajaran.

Bulan ini mungkin agak sibuk, baru mungkin... Ada 3 buku masuk, walaupun baru 1 saja yang pasti jadi. Yang 2 lagi masih dalam proses pengajuan dan pencarian sponsor. Rasanya senang & bersyukur sekali karena lebih baik stress karena banyak kerjaan daripada stress karena sepi. Saya dan suami bersiap-siap untuk bulan yang sibuk ini dengan optimisme.

Perjalanan ke Jogja melelahkan sekali tapi sekaligus juga inspiratif dan membuka cakrawala berpikir saya. Di Jogja saya menemukan atmosfer yang berbeda dari Jakarta, lebih nyeni, tenteram, bahkan agak sedikit meditatif karena aktivitas kotanya yang cenderung lambat dan santai. Kalau ada kesempatan ke Jogja lagi, saya akan dengan senang hati mengunjungi kota itu lagi. Lain halnya dengan Semarang. Mungkin karena kunjungan yang singkat, saya merasa kota ini agak miskin kultur. Saya hanya agak terkejut melihat Semarang yang ternyata cukup modern mengingat cerita teman Semarang saya yang selalu mengatakan Semarang tidak ada apa-apa.

Saya juga bertemu & berkenalan dengan beberapa teman seniman yang antusiasme dan kenakalan idenya seperti tidak ada habisnya. Saya bertemu dengan mereka lagi kemarin, kebetulan mereka berpameran di Jakarta. Saya kagum dengan cara berpikir mereka, yang bisa melihat berbagai kemungkinan dan terinspirasi dari berbagai macam hal.

Yang pasti, pulang dari perjalanan ini, saya merasa lebih bersemangat dalam bekerja, lebih disiplin dan efisien. Mungkin harus sering jalan-jalan yah.

Secara batiniah, awal tahun 2009 ini cukup baik. Tapi secara finansial, saya masih berdarah-darah. Saya sedang dalam proses merapikan perusahaan. Sayangnya suami agak kurang antusias, saya sedang mencari tahu kenapa karena bagaimanapun ini perusahaan kami, saya memerlukan dia.

Hate to Hate

I hate myself for hating him. He's not such a f*** bastard that deserved to be so despicable. He doesn't hit her wife nor abandons his children. That's why I hate myself for hating him. But I can't stand living with him. He's so stupid, oh God, I rarely found somebody as dumb as him. When he talks, he reminds me of a comedian named Bolot, known for his utmost stupidity. The words and intonation, and even the gestures, so similar to Bolot, except, Bolot is acting, and he doesn't.

Since our house is quite small, everything he does will be unintentionally overheard or overlooked by me. And that stressed me out since I can't logically understand his deeds for nothing of his is reasonable for me. He had once being a victim of credit card fraud because of his arrogance and dull witted. Once he got a phone call said that he got money for winning some kind of lottery. He already knows it's a fraud. But he still followed the instructions, said he only want to know how this kind of cheat was done. His wife had already warned him not to waste his time for such a nonsense. But he is so arrogant that he declined to hear her, closed his ears and went right away to the nearest ATM instead. And this idiotic person ended up losing his 5 millions for a fraud that he has acknowledged before. Double stupidities!

And, maybe, because he's so lack of intelligence, he's so afraid people underestimate him. If you talk to him, it's like there's nothing he doesn't know. He talks as if he knows everything. He even talks before listens. Once my husband, so pissed of by his manner, scolded him said this, 'God give you not only mouth, but ears. Use them!' It's quite rude, I know. But he's so abominable that I'm kind of understand why my husband angry to him. And surprisingly, he even doesn't know why his children don't like him and choosing to side with their mother instead of him. Furthermore, he blamed his wife, said it was her influence that has made his children don't want to talk to him.

Oh, blamed this small house again, sometimes I accidentally stay near him while watching TV or eating (I prefer not, but it's a small house). To hear his trash comments about how fat or how big the legs of the women on TV is already makes me feel nauseous. But he ticked my anger when he started to compared me to his daughter, said 'Can you speak in front of many audiences? My daughter can' or 'Oh, you can't sing? My daughter can. It's just because she doesn't want to sing anymore that she stops.' Oh, please, give me a break. It's like a kindergarten kids has a conversation with their peers. Being heard from a sixty something mature man (almost grandpa) is so disgusting. For your note, I get along very well with his daughter that so sweet and nice. It's his father that has a problem with his mouth.

Sadly, this man is my father in-law. My own father is a great father who I admire so much. He's loved, heard, and respected by his family because he can give advice and so willing to hear our opinions. My father is a totally opposite person from this dumbfounded man. he's just not aligned to the image in my head what the head of a family should be. And sometimes I'm kind of understand why my husband has an anger to his father that affects his communication with his father and even become allergic to any kinds of intentions and acts that show similarities to what his father does.

He's so blind of his flaws and even thinking that he's so kind and noone in his family understand him. It was said on several ocasions that as if his friends understand him more than his own family. But his friends only show gratitude for he has a habit like a Santa Claus who splurges a great deal of money for his friends. His friends don't have to face and live with his insane attitudes. His friends don't have to watch their money wasted for such a nonsenses. And he acts as if his friends more kind to him than his family without analyze what's wrong with himself.

I know, my head said to me to take a pity on him for all his wrong doing. But I still can't. I rarely dislike someone. I love to love and hate to hate. But this person, I have no respect for him. I'll keep my mouth and drive my attitude toward him. But I can't love him, like I love his wife, for being the best mother in-law I ever known.

A Month Full of Hope

Finally, after a grave quiet March, here's come the more lively April, bringing hope at least for a month ahead. A catalog need to be designed, an old client contacted to follow up a once delayed project, and if the our optimism still abundant, an annual report and another catalog are already set up for the next month. But, if the clients kept their promises since we've learnt from our experiences that project without downpayment is only as good as a lie.

Though we're quite happy with the prospect, we're not too optimist as before that we can survive for a long time if we don't change our way of doing business. March is the month of introspection and contemplation. We've set our mind to improve our strategy. We're working on the blueprint of our new company, a more organized and professional one.

In the middle of this month, I'm going to have a field trip to Central Java and East Java. During that trip, I may become one of the speaker, only in a few minutes session in front of my fellow designers. Still have no idea what to talk since I've been too long not seriously involved in academic design topic like I once did before. But I'll take the chance anyway because I believe that one lead to another. And I have to challenge myself and conquer my fear by going out of my comfort zone frequently so that someday there's no wall that can stand before me and my dreams. Everything must begin at one point.

Before the field trip, we're invited to a book launching. I plan to attend it, though reluctantly, so we can extend our network. It's an application of old trick we've learnt this far, that being skillful is useless unless people know who you are. It's a trick that so simple that we've underestimated it before. In addition, it's good to see a lot so you know a lot.

And for the next month, I've planned to have two classes.

The first class is a Bible Study class. I want to have a right way of thinking in building my life. I believe the right mind create the right deeds. What I like about Christians I met is they have this positivism that allow them to face the hard fact of life, as if nothing can break them down. I want to have that positivism, that's why I take this class.

The second class is a Writing for Professionals class. I know I can write. But the way I write is still need many improvements. I once read an article on design matters written by one of my fellow designer. He is so smart, deep in thinking, broad in knowledge, and very articulated. But he writes an article in a way of writing a paper, so technical and boring that one of the reader I know said that she used to skip anything written by him. So I was challenged to write better than him. I'm so curious, can a I become a capable writer in design topic? We'll see... The only problem I have with this class is the schedule which overlaps with my teaching schedule. I plan to discuss another possibility with the lecture of this writing class since he's a friend of mine and we've frequently working together.

Oh well, maybe this 2009 is truly a year of learning both in business and skills, and you know what... I think I'm happier than last year because there's so many chances to improve myself and our business :)

Divorce, Death, and Accident

March 2009 is full of life lessons to learn. My uncle passed away, my colleague got divorced, and my auntie had an accident that broke her leg. And it happened in just one day, on Saturday, a week ago. Heard all happened simultaneously quite shocked me. That day, I felt like living a surreal life, as if all was a dream.

Unfortunately, all were not a dream.

My colleague has divorced from his wife. I was very surprised. He never showed the grief on his face though I later knew that his relationship problem had weight him from a year ago. My colleague is a funny and smart man who has a charisma to influence and inspire others. To think that such a man can have this kind of problem surprised me. The reason of separation is complex, a typical of husband and wife relationship problems. Being in a marriage by myself has made me quite understand that marriage is really not for everyone. Marriage needs two humble persons to accept and learn each other.

I was teaching when my mom messaged me told me that my uncle passed away. That day was ching ming, the day when chinese visited the graves of their relatives, especially their parents. My mom, her sisters, and my grandmother visited my late grandfather's grave. And then came the sad news, that we had lost our uncle, passed away in his sleep. In the morning my auntie found him bluish all over his face. Though till now the reason of his dying had never been clear, it was suspected a heart attack. So, last Saturday and Sunday, my parents went to Jakarta to visited my auntie's family. On Monday, my uncle was buried. All were deep in cried while his coffin lowered to the grave. He was a good man, I remembered him as someone who was very generous and has helped my family much.

Also on that day, I heard from my husband that our auntie has fallen from her motorcycle and broke her legs. This auntie is a superwoman that also had sudden lost of her husband by a heart attack to. Since then, she worked hard all by herself to raise her three daughters. Now she has her own small factory that made all that sewn promotional items like bags, hats, jackets, and so on. She was on her way to draw some bills from her clients when the accident happens.

These all has made me think that life is so unpredictable. Sometimes we try so hard to make all planned, all set. But then a sudden even happens that turn the structure into chaos. And we have to pick the pieces one by one, gather all our strength and again, make another plan as if it can't be broken again. It's the time that tested us how big is your faith and vision of your life.

And what's funny is human (including me), still has this procrastinator at heart, always delay to do the important things to the next day. We delay to finish our job, to do the best we can, and even to say 'I love you' to someone mean so much for us. We always think there's always be tomorrow though the hard fact is we don't always the privilege of tomorrow. Just like my auntie who has lost her husband. Her guilt is she didn't allow her husband to buy satay because she has cooked. Unfortunately my uncle died without his last wish fulfilled. It's just a simple thing. But it mean something when the tomorrow is not yours anymore.

So, I must feel grateful that I still alive, still has a husband who loves me so much, and parents that stay beside me to bless me with their endless supports, sister and brother that so kind and supportive that I can tell them anything, and a life to celebrate, full of opportunities and people that care. And, the last but not the least, is The Mighty God, My Kind Father that makes all beautiful in the right time.

I should be thankful and create my life the best I can :)