Have you ever get really really angry to someone that the anger itself consume you deeply make you even hard to breath? It's anger landed to only ONE person. This single process, for sure, has already risen up the cortisol level in your blood. Now imagine if the same effect multiplied cause you get angry not only to one, but MANY persons. The effect must be killing. With so much poison in blood, how can somebody runs life healthy and grateful. All will seem dark and desperate.
And this 'doomed world' that happen to my auntie a.k.a 'blame-everyone-auntie-except-herself and his son'. From her younger age till now, she lives poorly, both in material and mind. She always has her own poin of view about this life but in her very very negative way. Her siblings, include my father has lend a hand so many times for her. But, exactly like a villain in Indonesia sinetron or Indian dramatic movie, my auntie is never be grateful. She always think her siblings take her money or should give her more money. She also thinks everyone is a traitor and she's the only clean person that has to get the dirt caused by her siblings. She hates all her siblings because of that.
And she dropped by the letter of the curse just minutes ago driving the motorcycle given by her siblings (yes 'that cursed siblings that so mean to her'). She, just like always, blames everyone for her almost homeless condition. FYI, she's already given a house once, she lost it cause by her failure, and then her siblings paid her new house, and then... lost again. And now, she wants our house by making up a story that actually our house was given to her by my Grandma who's already passed away many decades ago.
The fact is, even the house is not my Grandma's. It's bought by the money of my father's and his older brother's sweat and blood, and then took my Grandma in to live with them. And yes, took my auntie, too. But, it's not HERS!
No wonder she's always been poor, really really poor. It's her own choice, to fight with others instead of conquers herself and getting busy to upgrade her own life. She's just fight with everyone, energized by poison in her mind. With so many bad things in her head, how can she sees light? Many lights actually, if she wants to open up her mind.
Sadly, I think she'll just get poorer and poorer in her old days because I see no sign that she want to change.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Work like crazy
Here's my today TO-DO-LIST:
• 10 logo alternatives for babybag product DONE
• Convert and burn to cd a photographer's album DONE
• Prepare the poster file to printing quality DONE
• Revise and burn to cd a wedding invitation DONE
• Design a birthday party invitation for that highschool girl DONE
Anger and decision to care no more make me focus much much better.
• 10 logo alternatives for babybag product DONE
• Convert and burn to cd a photographer's album DONE
• Prepare the poster file to printing quality DONE
• Revise and burn to cd a wedding invitation DONE
• Design a birthday party invitation for that highschool girl DONE
Anger and decision to care no more make me focus much much better.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The end of my biggest load
The biggest payment project with the biggest load all these months: Two bulks of annual report?
They're finished today!!! Yipeee!!!
Wait for the payment... \(^_^)/ Want to invest them in gold.
They're finished today!!! Yipeee!!!
Wait for the payment... \(^_^)/ Want to invest them in gold.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Betenya begadang
Ini udah jam setengah lima pagi dan saya masih harus melek untuk rapi-rapiin tabel dan grafik dan huruf dan sebagainya. Huhhh, salah saya juga sih kemaren pake mendadak ngga mood untuk ngapa-ngapain. Udah Sabtu saya terbuang sia-sia karena dipaksain kerja malah ngga produktif, Minggunya begadang kaya gini lagi.
Sebel deh... Ngga abis-abis kerjaan. Saya sebenernya udah stress berat, tapi saya tahan-tahan dan coba untuk tetap positif dan berterimakasih untuk semua project yang masuk, yang saking padetnya bikin kiloan saya tetep di situ-situ aja, malah lebih kurus daripada waktu kerja sama orang.
Tapi kalo begini terus yah ampun dehhh... Mana minggu depan ini penuhnya banget-banget-banget.
Help, help, I need a break!!!
Sebel deh... Ngga abis-abis kerjaan. Saya sebenernya udah stress berat, tapi saya tahan-tahan dan coba untuk tetap positif dan berterimakasih untuk semua project yang masuk, yang saking padetnya bikin kiloan saya tetep di situ-situ aja, malah lebih kurus daripada waktu kerja sama orang.
Tapi kalo begini terus yah ampun dehhh... Mana minggu depan ini penuhnya banget-banget-banget.
Help, help, I need a break!!!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
100 Dreams
1) My own GRAPHIC HOUSE
2) Learn to make CUPCAKES
3) Travelling to EUROPE: Paris, Rome, Mykonos Island, Prague, Viena
2) Learn to make CUPCAKES
3) Travelling to EUROPE: Paris, Rome, Mykonos Island, Prague, Viena
Saturday, May 3, 2008
I draw again
She is only an employee of one ad agency that outsource a project to me. Since she's the person in charge on my project and the project itself takes months to be finished, our relationship gradually built, from business relationship to more casual friend relationship. During the working, we talk, joke, laugh, even share the bad moment caused by that bad client.
But it's not the relationship that makes me write this. What's so special is what's she's done to me.
A couple of days ago, I went to that agency to do my project. There are some revisions from the client that I need to put in the design. She's just so busy with another project meanwhile I've already finished my job. I need her feedbacks so I can get through another stage of the process. So while she's doing something else, I spent my time drawing with my pencil. At first it's only abstract scribbles. Then I started drawing boy with a kite and added a boy next to him, pointing his finger to the sky, maybe watching flying kites. I also draw a dog, plus a vast grassland on the backrground.
And finally she appeared, ready to give the feedbacks. Accidentally she saw my drawing. I didn't expect her to see it. I wasn't proud of the drawing. But she loved it! Said it's cute and want to keep it for her kids.
That drawing is characters I created when I was in highschool. They are successfully sold in a form of bookmark. The theme usually cute children playing in many setting, from birthday party to pajamas party. So when the Christmas or Valentine came, I can sold many of them to my schoolmates. It's quite an achievement at that time.
But then I just quit drawing. Here's the why: I'm more knowledgeable about what's good and what's not, I set a very high standard to my artwork. I think I shouldn't use the highschool style of drawing now. And since I don't have many times to innovate a new style, I just quit. Yes, that's it, I just quit!
So, I don't anticipate that somebody can say love my out-of-date style drawing! It came to me for a few seconds that I don't believe that she really meant what she said. But then she asked me to add a girl to the drawing. I was event asked to do it while she'll replace me sitting in front of my laptop to input the feedback, which's actually was my job.
And it's what so special to me: She has made me DRAWING AGAIN.
It's been ages since the last time I drew. I can paint, I can drew, even I was told that my illustration is fabulous and I'm very talented. But long enough not holding the pencil nor the brush, I just feel the skill is gone. Before that day, I don't have any confidence to fill the white paper with my drawing. I just don't know how to start. It's really sad since I drew like crazy since I was a child and never hesitate to turn my white paper to colorful surface. And I always did it successfully.
Her praise reminded me that I've been there. I almost forget that I can draw. Struggle designing everyday has made me forget even lazy to pick up my pen and draw. I used to jump to the computer process and hope everything will be neat and cool instantly. And come with this computerized process, I create a dreadful image of myself as an art person. That I can't draw. I forget I can draw!
I know she did it unconsciously. But for what she's done to me, I must thanks her a million. Her praise, tough simple and only in minutes has affected me incredibly.
But it's not the relationship that makes me write this. What's so special is what's she's done to me.
A couple of days ago, I went to that agency to do my project. There are some revisions from the client that I need to put in the design. She's just so busy with another project meanwhile I've already finished my job. I need her feedbacks so I can get through another stage of the process. So while she's doing something else, I spent my time drawing with my pencil. At first it's only abstract scribbles. Then I started drawing boy with a kite and added a boy next to him, pointing his finger to the sky, maybe watching flying kites. I also draw a dog, plus a vast grassland on the backrground.
And finally she appeared, ready to give the feedbacks. Accidentally she saw my drawing. I didn't expect her to see it. I wasn't proud of the drawing. But she loved it! Said it's cute and want to keep it for her kids.
That drawing is characters I created when I was in highschool. They are successfully sold in a form of bookmark. The theme usually cute children playing in many setting, from birthday party to pajamas party. So when the Christmas or Valentine came, I can sold many of them to my schoolmates. It's quite an achievement at that time.
But then I just quit drawing. Here's the why: I'm more knowledgeable about what's good and what's not, I set a very high standard to my artwork. I think I shouldn't use the highschool style of drawing now. And since I don't have many times to innovate a new style, I just quit. Yes, that's it, I just quit!
So, I don't anticipate that somebody can say love my out-of-date style drawing! It came to me for a few seconds that I don't believe that she really meant what she said. But then she asked me to add a girl to the drawing. I was event asked to do it while she'll replace me sitting in front of my laptop to input the feedback, which's actually was my job.
And it's what so special to me: She has made me DRAWING AGAIN.
It's been ages since the last time I drew. I can paint, I can drew, even I was told that my illustration is fabulous and I'm very talented. But long enough not holding the pencil nor the brush, I just feel the skill is gone. Before that day, I don't have any confidence to fill the white paper with my drawing. I just don't know how to start. It's really sad since I drew like crazy since I was a child and never hesitate to turn my white paper to colorful surface. And I always did it successfully.
Her praise reminded me that I've been there. I almost forget that I can draw. Struggle designing everyday has made me forget even lazy to pick up my pen and draw. I used to jump to the computer process and hope everything will be neat and cool instantly. And come with this computerized process, I create a dreadful image of myself as an art person. That I can't draw. I forget I can draw!
I know she did it unconsciously. But for what she's done to me, I must thanks her a million. Her praise, tough simple and only in minutes has affected me incredibly.
My own home
Currently I stay with my hubby's family. They such a wonderful family, very nice, open-minded, kind, and so on. I love them. I don't have any problems with them personally.
But I have problems with their habits. My hubby family, they are so noisy. In the morning, television is turned on with a very loud volume with sometimes nobody even watch it. And since the way they enjoy their time only by watching television, it can be turned on the whole day like today. And yes, with a loud noise.
The way they talking to each other? For me it's yelling at each other. Even when they are only a meter away from each other. They also yell when on the phone that the sound can block the client's voice on my phone if we're coincidently on the phone in the same time.
Closing and opening the door by slamming it is another annoying noise that happens during the night when everyone is already at home. It's usually the sound of the door to the backyard and the bathroom.
And it's not included the 'murai batu', the new singing birdie that still get confused to differ day to night.
These noises... They make me mad. And extremely destruct my mood.
I love wake up in the silent peaceful morning. Silence allow me to start the day in more positive mind. Silence makes me thinking clearly, gradually develop a motivation to go through during the day. So a loud television badly injures my morning. My head is shut down and I find it's hard to smile in the morning.
I don't like people talk with maximum volume. In my opinion, people only need to yell from if someone they want to talk with is in the distance. When you are in 200m2 home, you CAN talk with others, yell isn't needed. You need to yell if something urgent happen, in case, home is burning down (amit-amit...)
I usually take a nap for hour to continue my work till midnite. So the door slammed repeatedly everytime they go to bathroom or backyard make me really mad. Sometimes I think how can they're so sound numbed that they don't disturbed by such horrible kind of noise. In my family, everyone opening and closing the door gently.
Yes, I know it's not their fault at all. And yes, I know, it's their home. I'm the one who stay at theirs just because of their generosity. Well... it just make me want more a home of my own someday, when silence is not privilege.
But I have problems with their habits. My hubby family, they are so noisy. In the morning, television is turned on with a very loud volume with sometimes nobody even watch it. And since the way they enjoy their time only by watching television, it can be turned on the whole day like today. And yes, with a loud noise.
The way they talking to each other? For me it's yelling at each other. Even when they are only a meter away from each other. They also yell when on the phone that the sound can block the client's voice on my phone if we're coincidently on the phone in the same time.
Closing and opening the door by slamming it is another annoying noise that happens during the night when everyone is already at home. It's usually the sound of the door to the backyard and the bathroom.
And it's not included the 'murai batu', the new singing birdie that still get confused to differ day to night.
These noises... They make me mad. And extremely destruct my mood.
I love wake up in the silent peaceful morning. Silence allow me to start the day in more positive mind. Silence makes me thinking clearly, gradually develop a motivation to go through during the day. So a loud television badly injures my morning. My head is shut down and I find it's hard to smile in the morning.
I don't like people talk with maximum volume. In my opinion, people only need to yell from if someone they want to talk with is in the distance. When you are in 200m2 home, you CAN talk with others, yell isn't needed. You need to yell if something urgent happen, in case, home is burning down (amit-amit...)
I usually take a nap for hour to continue my work till midnite. So the door slammed repeatedly everytime they go to bathroom or backyard make me really mad. Sometimes I think how can they're so sound numbed that they don't disturbed by such horrible kind of noise. In my family, everyone opening and closing the door gently.
Yes, I know it's not their fault at all. And yes, I know, it's their home. I'm the one who stay at theirs just because of their generosity. Well... it just make me want more a home of my own someday, when silence is not privilege.
Onimun (25-27 April 2008)
Bali is a week ago. Time flew so fast that make the days in Bali feel like a last year story. We have a really good time in Bali. By walked along Kuta, 'leyeh-leyeh' in our nice pool villa, and splurged on mojitos, Bali is a real heaven compared to Jakarta. We're surely want to go back soon to this paradise island. Anyone who says honeymoon isn't needed for newlywed couple maybe simply don't have any honeymoon or have a bad one hehe.
I save this space to write our honeymoon story.
